O grande dia estava chegando

O grande dia estava chegando

O grande dia estava chegando. Eu poderia sentir no meu peito, literalmente. É incrível, aquelas que sempre foram leais comigo a vida toda agora dificultavam meu voo. Espessas demais, as penas apertavam minhas fiéis asas contra mim, machucando meu tórax e tornando a mais natural das ações um sofrimento.

Mas tudo isso não era uma surpresa. Minha mãe sempre se preocupou em contar, desde que eu estava no ninho, sua história de transformação. Como ela sofreu até certa idade, como teve de arrancar seu próprio bico, suas próprias unhas e até mesmo suas penas.

Sempre pensei que seria diferente comigo, que nunca precisaria passar por tais mudanças. Nunca achei necessária essa “troca de roupa”. Entretanto, agora vejo a inevitabilidade do ato. Atualmente, o ar me parece mais pesado, tenho dificuldade com grandes altitudes e, por isso, tenho voado mais baixo.

Viver na iminência dessas mudanças tem me deixado louco. Talvez agora esteja me aterrorizando mais do que a própria ideia de mudar. É um paradoxo que vive em mim. Preciso passar por uma alteração para viver melhor. Contudo, o medo decorrente do processo me impede de continuar.

Esse dilema me manteve preso à minha condição  por muito tempo, até o ponto crítico de os meus filhotes precisarem  de comida e eu não a conseguir habitualmente. O auge da minha depressão veio com a morte de Erold, o primogênito. Nesse momento, após perder um dos meus, minha tristeza foi maior que o medo. Finalmente, vi a imprescindibilidade da transição.

Tudo isso me passou pela cabeça naquele instante, quando comecei o processo. Era árduo, porém necessário. A primeira batida fez com que meu bico estremecesse e eu pensasse em desistir. Quando o segundo chegou, me lembrei dos filhotes que tinha deixado para trás. A terceira, definitiva, me fez refletir sobre a necessidade de tudo aquilo. Por que temos de mudar? Por que o mundo nos obriga a alterar nossa forma inicial com o passar do tempo.

Então pude entender, no ápice do meu sofrimento. A mudança nada mais é que uma representação. É a vida nos ensinando, assim como em um video-game, a trocar de fase, a evoluir. A mudança é um ritual de passagem de uma época jovem para outra adulta, novas responsabilidades, novas preocupações, novos ambientes. Quando não mudamos de fase, a vida tira algo de nós, tira nosso conforto, como para nos incentivar a seguir em frente. E foi seguindo em frente que finalmente pude voar, assim como uma nova águia, pronta para uma nova vida.

 

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